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How To Choose A Divorce Mediator That Is Compassionate And Knowledgeable

Mediation offers several benefits over a traditional divorce. A mediated divorce can save you time, money, and a great deal of emotional distress. Often, when there are children involved, divorce mediation can help you develop a positive parenting relationship and create a healthy environment for your family. However, one of the most important factors that will affect your mediation outcome is choosing the right mediator. At Tournour Law in East Brunswick, New Jersey, I offer a wide range of family law and divorce services. As a compassionate attorney, I can provide guidance on how to choose a divorce mediator and help you reach an outcome that protects the best interests of your entire family.

Important Considerations

Divorce mediation is a flexible process that can be adapted to fit the needs of most couples. The role of a mediator is to act as a neutral third party and assist you and your spouse in making mutually beneficial decisions. There are many factors to keep in mind while you choose your divorce mediator, including your personal situation and the goals you have for your lifestyle moving forward.

A good mediator will engage you and your spouse in meaningful discussion and strive to make mediation an easy and affordable process for you.

At Tournour Law, we recommend you keep two aspects in mind during your selection process: the style or approach of the mediator and their background.

Mediation Approaches

There is no one right approach to mediating a divorce. However, it is likely one method will work better for your situation than others. Some mediators have a single preferred style, while others can adapt their approach to the needs of the couple. We find the latter is preferable to better meet the varied goals of each individual.

Facilitative Mediation

The traditional approach to mediation is known as facilitative mediation. During a facilitative mediation, the mediator’s goal is to create an environment in which the parties reach a mutually agreeable resolution by asking questions and facilitating the process. A facilitative mediator does not make recommendations or give their own advice but instead allows you and your spouse to drive the process.

Evaluative Mediation

Evaluative mediation draws on more influence from the legal system. An evaluative mediator focuses on the legal rights of the involved parties and has a more direct influence on the outcome of the mediation. While evaluative mediation tends to take less time than other forms of mediation, the intention of this style is to reach a fair outcome, and may not take into account your personal needs.

Transformative Mediation

Transformative mediation, the newest form, is designed to empower you and your spouse to make a decision that transforms your relationship. It is similar to facilitative mediation in that the involved parties drive and structure the process, while the mediator follows their lead. The goal of this form of mediation is not necessarily a decision but instead of outlining a process, and therefore may take longer than other types of mediation.

Mediator Background

Mediators come from a variety of backgrounds and are not necessarily held to the same education requirements as an attorney. Since the end result of mediation is a legally binding document that establishes the terms of your divorce, it is important to consider the educational background of your mediator before hiring them. There are certain additional aspects you should look for in a mediator, such as:

Mediation infographic


It is also crucial you find a mediator who will approach your case with compassion and understanding. A good mediator will engage you and your spouse in meaningful discussion and make mediation an easy and affordable process for you.

Protecting Your Best Interests

At Tournour Law, we understand that divorce is a highly complex and emotionally difficult time. In many cases, even considering divorcing your spouse can feel overwhelming. We strive to make the mediation process as stress-free as possible and help our clients reach a positive, mutually beneficial agreement. Our team can use divorce mediation to help you reach decisions regarding child support, child custody, the division of marital assets, and other issues. Find out more about our divorce services by contacting our office online. You can also call our East Brunswick office at 732-913-3634.